my dream

today has been a weird day.... i keep pushing people away from me. i dont want to leave my bed, my friend asked me out and i just made a crazy excuse not to go. I'm pushing everyone away. the thing is i dont know how to act any other way. i've been feeling sad for a long time, i've stop expecting good things to happen.
I had a dream, it was really weird, it was me walking around a beautiful house when everyone was a sleep. I started crying in the dream . not because something bad happened by because in the dream while I was walking around the house all the people I love where  there just sleeping so peacefully. when i started crying they all woke up and hugged me... it was so simple but it made me wake up so happy.
i've realized over the last couple of year that the most important thing in live is to have people around you that love and care for you. i've although realized that finding people that truly love and care for you, and are always there is extremely hard. when your someone like me that is very unstable you need people around you, everyone does. The thing is everyone has been leaving me, without a warning or anything one day they just decide they are tired of me and they leave. i just want people to stay.... but they never do, i've been trying to learn who to deal with the fact that they all leave, and that right now i have no one, but it's been very hard...